People don’t normally enter a marriage with the idea that it will only last five, ten, or even twenty years. We usually enter a marriage hopeful and enthusiastic for what the future holds, and many couples declare that their marriage will be different and beat the statistics in terms of divorce rate.
But marriage is difficult in a way that few of us are truly prepared for, and it can be hard to imagine on your wedding day that one day you may feel so frustrated or miserable that you may be considering divorce. Unfortunately, there’s no road map for a successful marriage, and virtually every marriage will encounter rough patches.
Some clients enter our offices but are still unsure about whether or not divorce is truly the best direction, often asking us “How can I be sure?”
Ultimately, divorce is a personal decision and only you can determine what it best for you and your family, but here a few things to consider before filing for divorce.
Are your expectations for marriage or your spouse impossibly high?
No one is suggesting that we “settle” when it comes to marriage, but sometimes one partner may have unreasonably high or rosy expectations of what marriage should be or how their partner should be.
Oftentimes, we hear from a partner who feels that the initial spark has gone and that they miss the magic of those early days of the relationship. Marriage can be a struggle when little problems fester for long periods of time and couples settle into the day-to-day realities of married life, which can seem tedious when compared to when the romance was new.
Have you seriously considered your role in the relationship’s difficulties?
No one is perfect, and no matter the faults of our partner, we all contribute in some way to creating the problems we have. Maybe we’re provocative, short tempered, impatient, dismissive, or whatever it may be.
The most important step is to be honest about our role. Taking responsibility is not the same as accepting all the fault, and while we can’t control our spouse’s behavior, we can control our own.
Have you sought out quality help and/or given it your all?
Not all couples therapy is the best fit for your particular relationship. Just because things haven’t improved with one couples’ therapist, doesn’t mean you can’t find another to work with before calling it quits.
Remember though, no therapist will be able to magically fix your relationship, it will take dedicated effort and commitment from both parties.
What is motivating you to divorce?
In some cases, one partner may threaten divorce with the hope that their spouse will start treating them better, that maybe they will realize what they have to lose and make the changes that you want them to make. If that’s the case, you are divorcing for the wrong reasons, as divorce almost always promotes more conflict.
If your true motivations are a change in dynamics between you and your partner, then you may want to consider other options before deciding on divorce.
Have you considered the negative consequences of divorce?
Divorce is never an easy decision, but it’s important that you fully analyze the negative outcome of a divorce and what it means in terms of the division of money and assets, custody and visitation of children, and how it will impact your family.
If you are the one seeking a divorce, you will be confronted with the pain of others, including your spouse and extended family, and will need to be there for your children to help them cope with the pain of a divorce. On the same note, it’s important not to let your guilt of causing pain to others stand in the way of a divorce if that is ultimately the best decision for you and your family going forward.
Hiring a Lawyer
If you’ve considered these questions and decided that a divorce is the next step, then you should consult with an experienced divorce attorney like those at Fears Nachawati. Your attorney will be your number one source of advice during the proceedings and will ensure that you receive everything that you deserve for a fair and equitable divorce. Furthermore, your divorce attorney will ensure that costly mistakes are avoided, delays are minimized so you can move on with your life, and they will help reduce stress during one of the most difficult times of your life.
The experienced family law and divorce attorneys at Fears Nachawati are here to help guide you through this difficult and trying situation. For your free, no-obligation legal consultation, please call (866) 705-7584 or visit the offices of Fears Nachawati located throughout the great state of Texas, including in Houston, Dallas, Austin, Fort Worth, and San Antonio.